We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
