insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
