I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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