Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
