All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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