If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
