no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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