and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
