next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
