I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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