i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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