we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
