be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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