How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
