So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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