you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
