I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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