FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
