I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
