I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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