You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
