Do you still have your period?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
