Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
