i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
