she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i've created a new STD.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
