Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
