Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
