you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
