1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
