i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
