so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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