Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
