Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
