At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
