Did you just see the Batmobile???
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
