I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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