The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
