don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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