i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
