Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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