didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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