im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
