If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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