What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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