so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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