Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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