I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
