I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
