you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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