Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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