Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
