I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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