I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
